Rough Week

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, but it's been really tough here. Caitlin has taken my total and undivided attention when she's awake, and since she hasn't been sleeping well I haven't had much "off" time, either. And when she doesn't sleep, neither do I, so I've been pretty exhausted as well. Honestly, I just haven't felt like writing about how bad it's been, but people have been e-mailing me to check on us since they haven't heard from me, so I realized I needed to update!

As bad as Friday was, Saturday was far worse. That was the day that Caitlin's frustration with the situation turned to total and complete attitude. She reverted to throwing major tantrums at the drop of the hat, and the tantrums were even more severe than what we saw those first days in China. I thought she was getting over the tantrums; I've tried very hard to teach her that tantrums won't get her anything (tantrums are a MAJOR pet peeve for me; I despise them), but I think she's just beyond the point of rational thinking at this point.

I can put myself in her shoes and understand her frustration. As my parents pointed out, she's lost 2 of her 3 most favorite things: sucking her thumb and eating (she LOVES to eat). I'm thankful that she at least still has her 3rd favorite thing: her car seat! She never liked drinking; I've been forcing fluids on her since the day we met so she wouldn't get dehydrated... And yet now that's all she gets! I don't think she is hungry. She gets just as much (if not more) than she did before the surgery, but I think that since it comes watered down she probably doesn't think it counts. I wish there was some way for me to explain to her what's happening and why, but of course that is not possible. So she has to trust me and hope that I know what's best for her, but we've only known each other for barely 2 months- how much does she trust me?

But that doesn't make it alright to scratch, hit and kick me. I will spare you the gory details (and I really don't want the world to know about this new side of my daughter), but suffice it to say, it was ugly. I had been warned before by the surgeon's PA that she was going to be frustrated and angry, and that she would take it out on me, and that's exactly what is happening.

On top of all that, she is also not sleeping very well. It started with her just waking every 4 hours when she needed more pain medicine, but then it got so bad that she was actually waking up, screaming and fighting, every single hour. It would take me time to get her back to sleep, then it would take time for me to get back to sleep, and then it would start all over again! I almost cried at one point; I was so tired I honestly didn't think I could go on. With us both being that exhausted, it doesn't make it any easier to cope- neither for her to cope with her frustration, nor for me to cope with her!

So it was a very, very long weekend. Today started out better (she only threw 2 tantrums all morning!), but then Caitlin started to run a slight fever. By the time she woke up from her nap, it was higher. She woke up very whiny and she clearly did not feel well. By tonight it was up to 100 degrees; still low-grade under most circumstances, but I have to worry if this means she's getting an infection. I'll see how tonight goes, but we may be making a trip back up to the hospital tomorrow. I had already spoken with her surgeon this morning to tell him about her sucking her thumb Thursday night and about all the discharge coming out of her nose, and he asked us to come up Wednesday morning so he could check her out. But now with the fever we may need to go up a little earlier.

And the adventure continues...